In marrige one thing I now is that you are constantly learning and growing. At least I am. Hurdles are always out there waiting to be jumped. I experienced one of those hurdles on vacation. I'll call it the Walmart hurdle. Now, I don't have anything against Walmart I just didn't want to catch a bus to the Walmart in Mexico on my vacation. Now, you know the next part of the story had to be that the hubby wanted to do exactly that! He wanted to catch the bus to Walmart for groceries. I knew it made sense and would save us a ton of money on food(we had a kitchen in the time share), the bus ride was 30 minutes and I didn't really feel like it. After a few attempts to dissuade him failed, I conceded and decided to be a "good wife" and go to Walmart.
Well you won't believe it, not only was it a 30 min. ride but the bus was hot, sticky and over crowded. So I, being the "good wife" that I am, start asking slightly snippy questions and it went a little like this
Me: "Are you sure you want to stay on this hot, sticky over crowded but just to go to Walmart?"
He responds with a very quick and sharp, "Yep!".
I respond, "So you still think this is a good idea?".
With a steely resolve he says,"I sure do!"
Then silence. We were both right below the boiling point clinging desperately to the need to be right. AHHH, the seductive power of proving your point. As far as he was concerned, I couldn't just take a simple ride to Walmart for him. I was on the other side thinking he was just to stubborn to admit he was wrong. So we rode to Walmart in silence, avoiding eye contact with our arms folded.
By the time we got to Walmart the argument has escalated and I'm was heading one way(not a wise decision on my part at all) and he's going another. I can't help but laugh at my self now although it wasn't funny at the moment. But let me tell you I might have been mad but I ain't crazy and I didn't take me long to come to my senses. I was all alone walking down the street in Mexico! I very quickly turned around and made my way to Walmart.
After much discussion (aka arguing in the Mexican Walmart-Ha!) we finally got to what the "real point" of the argument was about. For me it was two-fold. I learned that the hubby needed me to accept and support his decision to go to Walmart (i.e no snide remarks along the way) or just simply say I didn't want to go at all.
His lesson was almost an accidental lesson and it was an eye opener for both of us. I really needed to feel protected by him. I didn't realize how much so until I was walking down the street in Mexico alone, I felt so unprotected. It actually surprised me! I considered myself pretty self sufficient woman but I realized I really needed to know that he would protect me (basically not let me walk away in a foreign country). Wow, I need to feel protected and watched over by the hubby, almost in a fatherly way. I can't believe I said that out loud but it's true. Maybe it's the little girl inside, heck I don't now what to call it BUT I know one thing, I need it!
So, the Walmart lesson is this, I will either say I don't want to do something or go along without gripping or complaining, this will take a little work but I'm on it. The Hubby has promised that even if I act a plum fool he will still look out for my over all well being and not let me do anything foolish (ex. walk away in Mexico). I guess this is just part of learning how out marriage works. We are learning to actively create the story of "us" as we go.
What are you "actively" creating in your marriage or relationship. What did your last argument tell you about your spouse or partner? What "lessons" could your arguments teach you?