This week I took my weave out. And as any sista’ who has worn a weave know’s; I am in transition! Boy, oh boy am I learning quite a bit about myself. Now let me give you a little background. I am not one of these people that has huge hair issues, I think that is why I am so shocked.
I’ve worn my hair short for over 10 years. I have worn braids, weaves and everything in between. I usually find a style I really like and stick with it for years. Almost 2 years ago, I decided to go natural. You see, it wasn't anything big, my relaxer just grew out and I decided to see what would happen if I let it grow all the way out and well, here I am.
What is surprising me is how I have gotten so used to what I call “hiding out” under my weave. It was big, full and fluffy and my hair is fine, soft and floppy. The weave is shiny and silky and my hair is well, less shiny and silky. I am having to figure out what to do with this hair of mine. How do I make it look pretty? Maybe I need to re-define what pretty is for me. How the HECK do I do that? Needless to say, I am experiencing some of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world!
Finding my sense of feeling beautiful with a natural is more work that I though it would be. In the past I would have just put my weave back in and kept it going (and I still might) but this time is different. I want to give myself a little time with my new natural do. I want to learn about who I am when I am uncomfortable and transitioning at the same time. SO what does this have to do with relationships, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you!
In the last few day’s I have realized, first hand, how hard it can be to show up honesty and openly in unfamiliar territory. How temping it is to want to go back to what you know before giving yourself a chance to explore something new. Why torture myself? Perhaps, for the opportunity to gain a new perspective and open up new options. Options that may never be available to me if I just stick with want I know.
As a coach I know that this is the place that most people run from (heck, part of me wants to run back to the safety of my weave as I am even typing this) but it is also the place to gain great understanding of who we are. For example; It may be easier and far less painful to hide out behind the wall you have built around your heart than it is to open up and allow new people in. Or it can feel much safer to not ask for what you want in relationship because “he probably won’t do it anyway”, than it is to open up and honestly ask for what you want.
In each one of these examples you will have to step out of your comfort zone and learn something new about yourself. This will require that you face some uncertainties and probably some difficult times learning to find your center in this uncomfortable place. It may bring tears, anger and frustration as you face the things that make it hard for you to take down that wall or ask for what you really want. However, once you do the work and find understanding, you are that much closer to having the relationship that you truly want.
In my own life challenges (this week it’s adjusting to my fine yet somehow poofy, natural) that these uncomfortable, even painful places, are where I learn the most about me and who I am. Having the life and relationship that I truly want always starts with my relationship with me first. I have learned that transition, as uncomfortable and down right painful as it can be, is a necessary part of finding the life I am meant to live. What transition is it time for you to make?
Follow up: It is 1 1/2 weeks later and I am absolutely in love with my natural now! I am so glad I gave myself some time to transition, instead of running back to what was familiar!