Monday, November 16, 2009

Choices! Choices!

Since 2006, this time of year brings all kinds of emotions. You see, November 8 was my 38th birthday. November 12th was my late husbands birthday. And November 17th, marks the three year anniversary of his passing.

Every year I relive some sadness. I grieve the life that ended too soon. I cry for myself, my son and every family member that has to live without his bright smile and loud belly laughs. But this year something is different. I feel the need to celebrate too. I celebrate myself, my new life and the chance to love again.

And I re-recognize a truth that I know but often forget: We really do get to have the lives we choose. Life happens, and sometimes it hurts like hell BUT I still get a choice. I can choose a new perspective, to change my mind, to worry myself or to let something go. I get to choose everyday. I guess the thing is what do I do with my choices?

I suppose I could choose to feel sad and spend my day in tears ( I certainly have a good reason), that's an option. Or maybe, I'll try to be all smiles and ignore the hint of sadness I feel. HMMMM, so many choices! Neither choice is good or bad. Either one could be right for me at any given time. I didn't cause this situation, and there is nothing I can do about the fact that time of year comes around every single year. But I do get to decide what I want to do with it.

I think today, I'll choose to smile and be grateful for the life I have. I choose to do it with a tinge of sadness, but I will rejoice none the less. I will continue learning to appreciate the past, while looking forward to my future. Finding hope in the fact that, although I don't control everything, I do get a choice. And the best part is: How I use my choice is up to me.

How are you using your choices?

Friday, November 6, 2009

The Self Love Bug Keeps Bitting!

Falling in love with myself has been my obsession for the last week or so. I constantly find myself thinking about it. I catch myself saying things that are not so "loving" to myself. I then have to make the effort to correct my negative comment. So, when I look at myself in the mirror and think, with disgust, just look at that cellulite these thighs, I now know how self-defeating that is. They may have a little cellulite, but guess what? I've also discovered that they look pretty darn good in a pair of leggings! So that's what I'll try to remind myself of from now on.

I actually read something this week that talked about how self- depreciation can actually foster a sense of unity among women. At first I balked at the idea, then I really began to think about it. Is there some truth to this theory?

Why is it so hard for women to accept a compliment and just say, thank you? Why is the reply often something like, "What, this old thing? " Or when someone says, "Wow you've really lost weight", why are we compelled to respond with something like, "Yeah, thanks, but I've still got to get those last five pounds off." Why do we feel the need to explain away what makes us beautiful and special?

I think the answer lies somewhere in a poem that I love by Mary Ann Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light , not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make and manifest the Glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

My question to you today is: Who are you not to be BRILLIANT, GORGEOUS AND TALENTED? If you are indeed a child of God, what keeps you playing yourself small? Think of 5 ways to begin showing more kindness to your self and start RIGHT AWAY! Your gift's are too precious to hide from yourself and the world!