The next time you feel, confused or upset ask yourself, "What do I want?" If you are on that first date and he says something that rubs you the wrong way ask the question. What do I want? Is it to feel safe, important, respected? Once you get to the answer DON'T LET IT GO! The answer is what you want and that matters. Don't sweep it under the rug or ignore it and, for heaven's sake, DON'T try talk yourself out of what you want. Do spend some time getting clear on what you want and why it's important to you. Then begin to look for different ways to honor it. Sometimes that will mean asking for what you want. Other times it can involve making a silent commitment not to do something again. Then again it could mean that you have to accept that the person you are dealing with just can't or won't give you want and that it time to look for healthier ways to get this need met.
Taking the time to discover what you want is a truly precious gift to give yourself. Ask yourself the question and then begin to break it down. Why is this important? What does it add to my life? Get super clear on what you want and why it is important to you. One thing I've learned is that if you don't know what you want, the chances of getting it are pretty slim. So I ask you, "What do you want?"